루이즈 캐플란 - [하나임과 분리] (Louise J. Kaplan, Oneness and Separateness, Simon and Schuster) [2007년]

*Louise J. Kaplan, oneness and Separateness, Simon and Schuster

 

말러의 이론을 일반인이 좀더 쉽게 접근할 수 있도록 하면서도, 자신의 이 방면의 지식을 충분히 활용하여, 유아의 분리*개별화 과정을 차분히 설명하고 있는 책. 마지막 장에서 문명에 대해 진단하고 있는 부분도 흥미롭다.

 

*Foreword

*Within a month or two of his dawning awareness of separateness, a more or less dramatic, shorter- or longer-lasting crisis occurs even in the most normal child with the best ordinary, devoted mother. Knowledge about this normative, unavoidable crisis at around eighteen months, I feel, is the most crucial finding that psychoanalytic child observation has unearthed. (13)

 

*He[the symbiotic psychotic child] is thus forever plagued by two related but contradictory fears: He fears separation because he has an inadequate inner mother orienting him to the world, and then the challenges of separate functioning arise, the child attempts to restore a feeling of oneness; but the merging of oneness is also terrifying because it threatens the loss of the separate self. (17)

 

-Constancy

*Where does the dialogue begin? In his first partnership outside the womb, the infant is filled up with the bliss of unconditional love--the bliss of oneness with his mother. This is the basic dialogue of human love. The next series of mother-infant dialogues concern the way the infant separates from the state of oneness with the mother. As he separates he will learn the conditions of actual love and acquire the sense that he is himself and nobody else. All later human love and dialogue is a striving to reconcile our longings to restore the lost bliss of oneness with our equally intense need for separateness and individual selfhood. These reconciliations are called constancy. (27)

*One of the most bewildering periods in the child's attainment of separateness comes toward the middle of his second year of life, when his defiance sadness, willfulness and disappointed anger cast a dark shadow over the relationship with the mother. These unwelcome and frightening events are the signs that the child has at last come face to face with the decisive moments of his second birth, that he is recognizing that he is truly a separate being.

During this difficult time the immature mind of the child perceives experience in absolutes. He tends to associate his natural defiance and anger with the idea that he must be an all-bad monster child who is not worthy of love. Similarly the normal frustrations and restrictions imposed by the mother seem to turn her into an all-bad monster mother who will never again be capable of giving and loving. (Oneness 34)

 

*Our attachment to this fixed point[home] from which our lives radiate is a feature we share with all members of the human species in the same way that all humans dream and wake, make gestures of love, greeting and threat, and become self-aware. (37)

*When the mirroring partner no longer sustains him, she vanishes into nothingness. Yet her disappearance counts for nothing. The narcissist will turn his eyes to the next adoring/adored face. But, even the most successful of these haughty, uncaring lovers one day turns around to face emptiness. What he feared most--terrible aloneness in the world--becomes a reality. (43)

*Our normal propensity to idealize the dead and find another target for our anger is intensified when we are too fragile to bear guilt or profound grief. Then splitting takes over completely. when his parent dies, a young child has too fragile a sense of constancy to sustain the pain of guilt, so he manages his sadness and anger by inflicting all his hatreds on the surviving parent and remembering only the perfection of the parent who died. (46)